The first tear hit the table before the board chair could finish his sentence. It wasn’t loud.Just that faint, traitorous tap a CFO hopes no one hears. But in the middle of the Q4 earnings review, with a dozen sets of eyes hunting for weakness, it was the kind of sound that shifts the room’s […]
https://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/ChatGPT-Image-Aug-14-2025-11_22_22-PM.png10241536Sarah Schlotthttps://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/icon-10c-two-blob-light_clearspace-1030x1030.pngSarah Schlott2025-08-15 12:30:362025-09-27 18:02:559 Ways a Pivot Table Can Make a CFO Cry in Public
Every finance team has its Frankenstein—the spreadsheet that starts as a modest forecast and metastasizes into a corporate public works project. Mine began as a single tab. By Q3, it was a bureaucratic anthill with 184 tabs, a pivot table the size of a congressional bill, and lookup formulas twisted like the wiring in a […]
https://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/ChatGPT-Image-Aug-13-2025-11_53_42-PM-1.png8001200Sarah Schlotthttps://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/icon-10c-two-blob-light_clearspace-1030x1030.pngSarah Schlott2025-08-15 04:30:152025-09-27 18:03:20When My FP&A Model Got So Big It Qualified for Its Own Zip Code
LinkedIn Is a Casino Without the Free Drinks Ever notice that LinkedIn is basically a casino without the free drinks? I log in to “check a message” and three hours later I’m knee-deep in a 27-comment argument about whether CAC should be calculated with or without sales comp. A Blog I’ve Been Ignoring for Too […]
https://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/ChatGPT-Image-Aug-14-2025-09_56_10-AM-1.png8001200Sarah Schlotthttps://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/icon-10c-two-blob-light_clearspace-1030x1030.pngSarah Schlott2025-08-14 10:07:192025-09-27 18:03:50Why I’m Trading LinkedIn Scroll Time for My Own Blog
“If your forecast only works when you believe in it, it’s not a forecast—it’s a faith-based initiative.” It started with a spreadsheet.Doesn’t it always? One column of “Actuals,” one column of “Plan,” and a third column that looked like it was about to ghost me. That’s where VLOOKUP lived—dragged across 400 rows, promising to unite […]
https://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/ChatGPT-Image-Aug-13-2025-10_44_26-PM-1.png8001200Sarah Schlotthttps://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/icon-10c-two-blob-light_clearspace-1030x1030.pngSarah Schlott2025-08-14 04:30:492025-09-27 18:04:12Why My VLOOKUP Has More Trust Issues Than My Ex
It started as a harmless spreadsheet.A nice, clean workbook. Six tabs. No merged cells. A color palette you could take home to your mother. Then one day, it got… curious. You know how it is in SaaS finance. You build one pivot table to tidy up last quarter’s churn analysis, and suddenly it’s doing cross-tabulations […]
https://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/ChatGPT-Image-Aug-13-2025-07_32_31-PM-1.png8001200Sarah Schlotthttps://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/icon-10c-two-blob-light_clearspace-1030x1030.pngSarah Schlott2025-08-13 19:47:072025-09-27 18:04:42The Pivot Table That Knew Too Much
A Response to Forbes’ “SaaS Ave” Piece by Daniel Newman It was Saturday morning.The dishwasher was still humming from last night’s half-hearted “we’ll clean up later” pact. My coffee was going lukewarm. My inbox had exactly two emails: a reminder from the dentist and a link from my husband with the subject line: “Thought of […]
https://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/Screenshot-2025-08-11-at-3.52.58-PM.png6251200Sarah Schlotthttps://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/icon-10c-two-blob-light_clearspace-1030x1030.pngSarah Schlott2025-08-11 15:57:522025-08-14 00:46:39SaaS Isn’t Dead. But the Lease Just Got Shorter.
It started with an innocent tab in Excel. One that was supposed to be a simple quarterly forecast.One that, in my mind, would reassure leadership we were “on track.”One that—through no fault of my own—became the match that set the HR department on fire. By the end of the week, the company had committed to […]
https://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/pexels-thirdman-8485854-1.jpg8001200Sarah Schlotthttps://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/icon-10c-two-blob-light_clearspace-1030x1030.pngSarah Schlott2025-08-10 10:23:042025-08-14 00:46:42When My Forecast Triggered a Panic Hiring Spree: A Growth Model Overreaction
Let’s be honest — no one wakes up thinking, “Today’s the day I completely lose my grip on reality because of a spreadsheet.” And yet, here we are.Because Excel doesn’t just store numbers.It stores your soul. In FP&A, shortcuts are supposed to make you faster.Instead, they just accelerate the moment you realize your life’s work […]
https://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/ChatGPT-Image-Aug-7-2025-09_19_00-PM-1.png8001200Sarah Schlotthttps://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/icon-10c-two-blob-light_clearspace-1030x1030.pngSarah Schlott2025-08-07 21:23:012025-08-14 00:46:46Every Excel Shortcut Ranked by How Fast It Can Trigger a Midlife Crisis
IF(logic_test, value_if_true, value_if_false) Was it the logic test?Was it the value_if_false?Or was it me? Hard to say now, sitting on the couch next to a husband who won’t make eye contact, because apparently, I “weaponized Excel again.” But I know this: somewhere between “just a quick model update” and “you built what??” I lost the […]
https://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/ChatGPT-Image-Aug-6-2025-10_09_13-PM-1.png8001200Sarah Schlotthttps://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/icon-10c-two-blob-light_clearspace-1030x1030.pngSarah Schlott2025-08-06 22:25:002025-08-14 00:46:50You Won’t Believe What This IF Statement Did to My Marriage
Let’s not pretend anyone enjoys Excel. You don’t crack open a spreadsheet because life is bursting with meaning. You open Excel the way a mid-century housewife opened gin at 2pm: quietly, with dread, and because someone just asked about KPIs again. So today, we’re doing something useful with it. We’re going to use Excel to […]
https://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/ChatGPT-Image-Aug-6-2025-11_49_07-AM-1.png8001200Sarah Schlotthttps://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/icon-10c-two-blob-light_clearspace-1030x1030.pngSarah Schlott2025-08-06 11:55:232025-08-14 00:46:52How to VLOOKUP Your Will to Live: A Beginner’s Guide
9 Ways a Pivot Table Can Make a CFO Cry in Public
The first tear hit the table before the board chair could finish his sentence. It wasn’t loud.Just that faint, traitorous tap a CFO hopes no one hears. But in the middle of the Q4 earnings review, with a dozen sets of eyes hunting for weakness, it was the kind of sound that shifts the room’s […]
When My FP&A Model Got So Big It Qualified for Its Own Zip Code
Every finance team has its Frankenstein—the spreadsheet that starts as a modest forecast and metastasizes into a corporate public works project. Mine began as a single tab. By Q3, it was a bureaucratic anthill with 184 tabs, a pivot table the size of a congressional bill, and lookup formulas twisted like the wiring in a […]
Why I’m Trading LinkedIn Scroll Time for My Own Blog
LinkedIn Is a Casino Without the Free Drinks Ever notice that LinkedIn is basically a casino without the free drinks? I log in to “check a message” and three hours later I’m knee-deep in a 27-comment argument about whether CAC should be calculated with or without sales comp. A Blog I’ve Been Ignoring for Too […]
Why My VLOOKUP Has More Trust Issues Than My Ex
“If your forecast only works when you believe in it, it’s not a forecast—it’s a faith-based initiative.” It started with a spreadsheet.Doesn’t it always? One column of “Actuals,” one column of “Plan,” and a third column that looked like it was about to ghost me. That’s where VLOOKUP lived—dragged across 400 rows, promising to unite […]
The Pivot Table That Knew Too Much
It started as a harmless spreadsheet.A nice, clean workbook. Six tabs. No merged cells. A color palette you could take home to your mother. Then one day, it got… curious. You know how it is in SaaS finance. You build one pivot table to tidy up last quarter’s churn analysis, and suddenly it’s doing cross-tabulations […]
SaaS Isn’t Dead. But the Lease Just Got Shorter.
A Response to Forbes’ “SaaS Ave” Piece by Daniel Newman It was Saturday morning.The dishwasher was still humming from last night’s half-hearted “we’ll clean up later” pact. My coffee was going lukewarm. My inbox had exactly two emails: a reminder from the dentist and a link from my husband with the subject line: “Thought of […]
When My Forecast Triggered a Panic Hiring Spree: A Growth Model Overreaction
It started with an innocent tab in Excel. One that was supposed to be a simple quarterly forecast.One that, in my mind, would reassure leadership we were “on track.”One that—through no fault of my own—became the match that set the HR department on fire. By the end of the week, the company had committed to […]
Every Excel Shortcut Ranked by How Fast It Can Trigger a Midlife Crisis
Let’s be honest — no one wakes up thinking, “Today’s the day I completely lose my grip on reality because of a spreadsheet.” And yet, here we are.Because Excel doesn’t just store numbers.It stores your soul. In FP&A, shortcuts are supposed to make you faster.Instead, they just accelerate the moment you realize your life’s work […]
You Won’t Believe What This IF Statement Did to My Marriage
IF(logic_test, value_if_true, value_if_false) Was it the logic test?Was it the value_if_false?Or was it me? Hard to say now, sitting on the couch next to a husband who won’t make eye contact, because apparently, I “weaponized Excel again.” But I know this: somewhere between “just a quick model update” and “you built what??” I lost the […]
How to VLOOKUP Your Will to Live: A Beginner’s Guide
Let’s not pretend anyone enjoys Excel. You don’t crack open a spreadsheet because life is bursting with meaning. You open Excel the way a mid-century housewife opened gin at 2pm: quietly, with dread, and because someone just asked about KPIs again. So today, we’re doing something useful with it. We’re going to use Excel to […]