“If your forecast only works when you believe in it, it’s not a forecast—it’s a faith-based initiative.” It started with a spreadsheet.Doesn’t it always? One column of “Actuals,” one column of “Plan,” and a third column that looked like it was about to ghost me. That’s where VLOOKUP lived—dragged across 400 rows, promising to unite […]
https://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/ChatGPT-Image-Aug-13-2025-10_44_26-PM-1.png8001200Sarah Schlotthttps://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/icon-10c-two-blob-light_clearspace-1030x1030.pngSarah Schlott2025-08-14 04:30:492026-09-24 21:56:54Why My VLOOKUP Has More Trust Issues Than My Ex
It started as a harmless spreadsheet.A nice, clean workbook. Six tabs. No merged cells. A color palette you could take home to your mother. Then one day, it got… curious. You know how it is in SaaS finance. You build one pivot table to tidy up last quarter’s churn analysis, and suddenly it’s doing cross-tabulations […]
https://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/ChatGPT-Image-Aug-13-2025-07_32_31-PM-1.png8001200Sarah Schlotthttps://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/icon-10c-two-blob-light_clearspace-1030x1030.pngSarah Schlott2025-08-13 19:47:072026-09-24 21:56:55The Pivot Table That Knew Too Much
A Response to Forbes’ “SaaS Ave” Piece by Daniel Newman It was Saturday morning.The dishwasher was still humming from last night’s half-hearted “we’ll clean up later” pact. My coffee was going lukewarm. My inbox had exactly two emails: a reminder from the dentist and a link from my husband with the subject line: “Thought of […]
https://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/Screenshot-2025-08-11-at-3.52.58-PM.png6251200Sarah Schlotthttps://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/icon-10c-two-blob-light_clearspace-1030x1030.pngSarah Schlott2025-08-11 15:57:522026-09-24 21:56:55SaaS Isn’t Dead. But the Lease Just Got Shorter.
It started with an innocent tab in Excel. One that was supposed to be a simple quarterly forecast.One that, in my mind, would reassure leadership we were “on track.”One that—through no fault of my own—became the match that set the HR department on fire. By the end of the week, the company had committed to […]
https://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/pexels-thirdman-8485854-1.jpg8001200Sarah Schlotthttps://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/icon-10c-two-blob-light_clearspace-1030x1030.pngSarah Schlott2025-08-10 10:23:042026-09-24 21:56:57When My Forecast Triggered a Panic Hiring Spree: A Growth Model Overreaction
Let’s be honest — no one wakes up thinking, “Today’s the day I completely lose my grip on reality because of a spreadsheet.” And yet, here we are.Because Excel doesn’t just store numbers.It stores your soul. In FP&A, shortcuts are supposed to make you faster.Instead, they just accelerate the moment you realize your life’s work […]
https://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/ChatGPT-Image-Aug-7-2025-09_19_00-PM-1.png8001200Sarah Schlotthttps://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/icon-10c-two-blob-light_clearspace-1030x1030.pngSarah Schlott2025-08-07 21:23:012026-09-24 21:56:58Every Excel Shortcut Ranked by How Fast It Can Trigger a Midlife Crisis
IF(logic_test, value_if_true, value_if_false) Was it the logic test?Was it the value_if_false?Or was it me? Hard to say now, sitting on the couch next to a husband who won’t make eye contact, because apparently, I “weaponized Excel again.” But I know this: somewhere between “just a quick model update” and “you built what??” I lost the […]
https://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/ChatGPT-Image-Aug-6-2025-10_09_13-PM-1.png8001200Sarah Schlotthttps://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/icon-10c-two-blob-light_clearspace-1030x1030.pngSarah Schlott2025-08-06 22:25:002026-09-24 21:56:59You Won’t Believe What This IF Statement Did to My Marriage
Let’s not pretend anyone enjoys Excel. You don’t crack open a spreadsheet because life is bursting with meaning. You open Excel the way a mid-century housewife opened gin at 2pm: quietly, with dread, and because someone just asked about KPIs again. So today, we’re doing something useful with it. We’re going to use Excel to […]
https://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/ChatGPT-Image-Aug-6-2025-11_49_07-AM-1.png8001200Sarah Schlotthttps://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/icon-10c-two-blob-light_clearspace-1030x1030.pngSarah Schlott2025-08-06 11:55:232026-09-24 21:57:00How to VLOOKUP Your Will to Live: A Beginner’s Guide
You don’t forget the first time you’re left in charge of someone else’s chaos. For me, it was a suburban living room full of Goldfish crumbs and sticky Legos. I was 13. My older sister—a seasoned babysitter with a Rolodex of wealthy neighborhood clients—was passing the torch. I asked the question every first-timer asks.“What do […]
https://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/pexels-kampus-7414391-1.jpg8001200Sarah Schlotthttps://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/icon-10c-two-blob-light_clearspace-1030x1030.pngSarah Schlott2025-08-01 09:02:132026-09-24 21:57:01What a 13-year-old babysitter taught me about financial leadership
By Someone Who’s Been Held Hostage by a Circular Reference Since 2020 At some point in the past ten years—no one’s exactly sure when—therapy got outsourced to Google Sheets and SaaS dashboards. The budget got cut, the benefits evaporated, and suddenly your emotional stability was being maintained by a locked cell and a conditional format. […]
https://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/pexels-serpstat-177219-572056-1-2.jpg8001200Sarah Schlotthttps://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/icon-10c-two-blob-light_clearspace-1030x1030.pngSarah Schlott2025-07-24 17:30:412026-09-24 21:57:037 Excel Functions That Will Replace Your Therapist (and Probably Your Job Too)
LinkedIn DMs are where nuance goes to die. You’ve got your bro-y sales pitches dressed in empathy. Cold intros from people who haven’t read your job title, let alone your work. And every now and then, a robotic flinch of curiosity—“just wanted to connect with like-minded leaders”—before they pivot to a 17-slide funnel about how […]
https://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/2-3-768x960.jpg-1-e1752842923229.webp514768Sarah Schlotthttps://sarahgschlott.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/08/icon-10c-two-blob-light_clearspace-1030x1030.pngSarah Schlott2025-07-18 08:44:142026-09-24 21:57:03Coaching Without the Crutch: What I Learned from Marla Bace
Why My VLOOKUP Has More Trust Issues Than My Ex
“If your forecast only works when you believe in it, it’s not a forecast—it’s a faith-based initiative.” It started with a spreadsheet.Doesn’t it always? One column of “Actuals,” one column of “Plan,” and a third column that looked like it was about to ghost me. That’s where VLOOKUP lived—dragged across 400 rows, promising to unite […]
The Pivot Table That Knew Too Much
It started as a harmless spreadsheet.A nice, clean workbook. Six tabs. No merged cells. A color palette you could take home to your mother. Then one day, it got… curious. You know how it is in SaaS finance. You build one pivot table to tidy up last quarter’s churn analysis, and suddenly it’s doing cross-tabulations […]
SaaS Isn’t Dead. But the Lease Just Got Shorter.
A Response to Forbes’ “SaaS Ave” Piece by Daniel Newman It was Saturday morning.The dishwasher was still humming from last night’s half-hearted “we’ll clean up later” pact. My coffee was going lukewarm. My inbox had exactly two emails: a reminder from the dentist and a link from my husband with the subject line: “Thought of […]
When My Forecast Triggered a Panic Hiring Spree: A Growth Model Overreaction
It started with an innocent tab in Excel. One that was supposed to be a simple quarterly forecast.One that, in my mind, would reassure leadership we were “on track.”One that—through no fault of my own—became the match that set the HR department on fire. By the end of the week, the company had committed to […]
Every Excel Shortcut Ranked by How Fast It Can Trigger a Midlife Crisis
Let’s be honest — no one wakes up thinking, “Today’s the day I completely lose my grip on reality because of a spreadsheet.” And yet, here we are.Because Excel doesn’t just store numbers.It stores your soul. In FP&A, shortcuts are supposed to make you faster.Instead, they just accelerate the moment you realize your life’s work […]
You Won’t Believe What This IF Statement Did to My Marriage
IF(logic_test, value_if_true, value_if_false) Was it the logic test?Was it the value_if_false?Or was it me? Hard to say now, sitting on the couch next to a husband who won’t make eye contact, because apparently, I “weaponized Excel again.” But I know this: somewhere between “just a quick model update” and “you built what??” I lost the […]
How to VLOOKUP Your Will to Live: A Beginner’s Guide
Let’s not pretend anyone enjoys Excel. You don’t crack open a spreadsheet because life is bursting with meaning. You open Excel the way a mid-century housewife opened gin at 2pm: quietly, with dread, and because someone just asked about KPIs again. So today, we’re doing something useful with it. We’re going to use Excel to […]
What a 13-year-old babysitter taught me about financial leadership
You don’t forget the first time you’re left in charge of someone else’s chaos. For me, it was a suburban living room full of Goldfish crumbs and sticky Legos. I was 13. My older sister—a seasoned babysitter with a Rolodex of wealthy neighborhood clients—was passing the torch. I asked the question every first-timer asks.“What do […]
7 Excel Functions That Will Replace Your Therapist (and Probably Your Job Too)
By Someone Who’s Been Held Hostage by a Circular Reference Since 2020 At some point in the past ten years—no one’s exactly sure when—therapy got outsourced to Google Sheets and SaaS dashboards. The budget got cut, the benefits evaporated, and suddenly your emotional stability was being maintained by a locked cell and a conditional format. […]
Coaching Without the Crutch: What I Learned from Marla Bace
LinkedIn DMs are where nuance goes to die. You’ve got your bro-y sales pitches dressed in empathy. Cold intros from people who haven’t read your job title, let alone your work. And every now and then, a robotic flinch of curiosity—“just wanted to connect with like-minded leaders”—before they pivot to a 17-slide funnel about how […]